Avoiding Procrastination

Procrastination.  We think of it as a dirty word.  Our culture has led us to believe that people who procrastinate have no willpower or are lazy.

The truth is that all of us procrastinate some of the time.  Let’s face it, there’s always something better to do than what you’re supposed to be doing.  For as much as I enjoy writing this newsletter, I can think of a thousand half a dozen things I’d rather be doing.  

Procrastinators are not lazy people.  They’re not just sitting around doing nothing.  They’re running around doing something else.  When I was in grad school, with assignments coming out my ears, my laundry was always done, beautifully folded, and put away.  In my life before or since grad school, my laundry has never been so lovingly cared for.

Procrastination is not something that can be “cured.”  There are always a number of things that we could spend our time on.  Technically, you’re always procrastinating on something.  Procrastination can work to a certain point because often when we are avoiding one thing we are doing something else that needs to be done anyways.  That whole laundry thing in grad school did help me in the quest to win friends and influence people.The problem comes in when there’s a task that we’re not doing that affects our functioning.  If I had continued to procrastinate on school assignments, I wouldn’t have graduated.  All that effort, time and money (not to mention self-respect) lost.

Twenty percent of people, that’s one in five of us, rate themselves as chronic procrastinators (source: Psychology Today article. Procrastination: 10 Things to Know http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20030823-000001.html ).

Think about the things you tend to procrastinate on.  How important are they?  If they’re not very important to you, maybe its time to let those things go.  If you believe they are important to you and you still can’t get going, read on.

Procrastination can happen for many reasons:

·        You’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you have to do

·        You don’t know where to start

·        You don’t know how to start

·        High expectations or perfectionism cause you not to start at all 

Tips for overcoming procrastination: ·        Figure out why you’re procrastinating on a task.  A few weeks ago I wrote about how my husband and I were procrastinating on doing some home renovations.  The problem was in the decision-making.  What if we were wrong?  Well, what if? The reality is that, even if a couple of decisions didn’t turn out to be the best ones, what we would end up with was going to be way better than where we were at.

·        Imagine how you’ll feel once the task is complete.  Put yourself in the position of being done.  How will that feel?  Pretty good, I bet.

·        Turn the project into a series of smaller tasks.  If looking at the big picture overwhelms you, don’t look at it.  Make your action plan and focus on the one task before you.

·        Be accountable to someone else.  Tell your partner, your friend, your coach, that this is what you plan to do.  Make a date to follow up with that person.

·        Create a deadline.  When you make your deadline, reward yourself. 

·        Consider a coach.  I offer a complimentary 45-minute consultation to help you figure out whether coaching is right for you.

Whew!  Finished another newsletter…and just under deadline.  As a bonus, my laundry is all done too.

Until the next chapter,

Lisa

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well, I am back from holidays and ready to go!  

 I love this time of year.  My favourite commercial of all time is the Staples back to school commercial where we see a dad, joyously riding down the school supply aisle in a shopping cart, while two kids trudge dejectedly behind him.  The music playing in the scene is It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.  Clearly not for these two kids.

I have to admit that I have always loved school.  Well, okay, not the school part so much as the learning part.  I’m very happy to be away from the hormone-addled, bra-snapping boys.  

Then I got married.

But I digress.

Back to school time always felt to me like a new beginning.  I loved going to buy all my fresh new school supplies and getting them all ready for the first big day.  My favourite part was putting brand new paper in my fresh clean binder, a binder that contained no trace of all the doodles from last year, where I would write my first name followed by the last name of the boy I was currently in love with surrounded by hearts of all sizes.   

Yep, a chance to begin again.  I am so over you, Todd!

After backcombing my hair, slouching my socks just right, and slapping on my Swatch Watch (it was the 80’s, people!), off I went to conquer a new year of school.

As an adult, I still feel that same thrill when September rolls around.  Everything is starting back up again – school, groups, activities.  Many people say that September is actually a better time to be setting goals.  There’s that sense of renewed energy in the air as everyone gets back into their familiar routines.Is there something that you’d like to try this fall?  Is there some small change you’d like to make? Some topic you’d like to learn more about? 

 Your binder is fresh and new.  What are you gonna put in it or on it?

Until the next chapter,

Lisa

Ordinary Miracles

Eddie Murphy, when asked during an interview by Barbara Walters whether he was happy, said that he used to think that happiness was something you achieved.  That now he realizes you don’t “achieve” happiness.  It’s something that comes and goes, and comes and goes again, no matter who you are or what you’re doing.

I have to say I agree wholeheartedly.  Things change.  People change.  Circumstances change.  If we go through life expecting that every moment we will be happy we are going to be thoroughly disappointed.

Not that I’m saying we should go around expecting the worst to happen like a bunch of sad sacks either.  I’m saying that we should accept that we won’t always be leaping for joy.  In fact, there may be days where we’re just trying to make it through the next few hours, days or weeks.

And that’s okay.

And normal.

Where we can make a difference, though, is in being more conscientious in noticing the ordinary things.  For instance, I’m writing this newsletter on a Saturday morning.  Usually on weekends, I am woken up at 7 am or so by my enthusiastic three-year-old who stands at my side of the bed, right at my head, and yells “Sutton!  Get out of the rack!”  Who taught her that?

Now, while I think that’s kind of special in and of itself, this morning I woke up at 6 am, went downstairs and had coffee and read my book for three whole hours all by myself before the husband and child woke up.  Oh joy! Oh bliss!  This never happens and is very exciting for me.

Now, as I write this, my daughter and I are sitting on the couch.  She’s watching Winnie-the-Pooh and I’m writing.  We’re each involved in our own activity but we seem to be doing it together (okay, I am getting a play-by-play of what Pooh is up to).

 My point is that these are the moments that should be noticed.  There’s nothing extraordinary about them.  In fact, they happen all the time.  This is precisely why they don’t get noticed.  They’re so ordinary we don’t appreciate them.

Maybe we should take these ordinary moments and notice how truly fabulous they are.  Then we can deposit them into our memory banks and withdraw them later when we need them.  We’ll also get better at noticing that stuff that is going right during those tough times.This is the stuff of life.  Those ordinary miracles. 

 Happiness comes and goes but the ordinary miracles are here to stay…if you notice them.

Until the next chapter,

Lisa

Analysis Paralysis

July 13, 2007

Analysis paralysis is that phenomenon where there’s a decision to be made or a project to be done but we get caught up in the process of meeting, discussing, brainstorming, and tweaking.  There are always more studies to be conducted, more reports to be written and read and more statistics to be collected and reviewed.As a result, we’re very busy but nothing actually gets done.

Recently, this happened with my husband and me.  Our house is old and in need of many different renovations.  Over the past year, we have slowly been collecting estimates and deciding what we want done in each area.  I realized last week that we are halfway through the summer (how did that happen?) and we were about to miss yet another season of being able to enjoy a new deck/front porch/sunroom/garage/bathroom/driveway.  I also realized that unless we made a conscious decision to pick one of the projects we would stay in the estimate-collecting phase and never move on to the next one.

We sat down for the discussion.  The husband began the talk with a detailed description of all the projects that needed doing, providing detailed flowcharts and analysis of return on investment.  I lovingly responded with “Shut up!  Pardon me for interrupting, Darling, but today we just need to make a decision on which project.”  We did make a decision and after that all subsequent decisions became easier.

How to control analysis paralysis: 

1.   Set deadlines.  Time limits should exist.  This way you have a framework for the amount of time a task should take and you reduce the chances that days, weeks and months will pass without some action. 

2.   Ask for help.  Everyone has weaknesses.  If you suspect this is one of yours, ask a trusted friend, family member or colleague for help.

 3.   Narrow down your choices.  Too many choices can lead to overwhelm.  In our case, it was choosing among six projects.  We narrowed it down and eliminated choices by asking ourselves: What can we afford (this was the big one).  Which project is the least disruptive (important for my home-based business).  Which would give us the greatest pleasure (I immediately ruled out the driveway). 

4.   Set priorities for decision-making.  What decisions have to be made and what can be tweaked later on.  For our renovations, we merely had to decide on a project.  Things like light fixtures, paint colours and flooring can all be decided on later. 

5.   Do one thing.  “Just Do It!” works as a catchphrase because it’s true.  Doing one thing will give you momentum to do another.

6.   Feeling anxious?  Re-frame that feeling as excitement.  The physiological symptoms of anxiety and excitement are the same: perspiring, increased heart rate, butterflies in the stomach.  If you’re going to be experiencing those symptoms anyways, you may as well call them excitement and get a bit of enjoyment out of them. 

I’m proud to announce we decided to do our front porch.  Sure, I may have a pang of regret at the first snowfall when I’m scraping the car windows muttering to myself that we should have built a garage.  I’m confident that regret will be offset by the enjoyment I get this summer while sipping a martini lemonade on my new front porch.

Until the next chapter,Lisa

Creating Good Habits

June 25, 2007

 Often, when we think of a habit, we focus on our bad habits.  We lament that we watch too much television, drink, smoke or eat too much, spend too much money…and all the rest of those habits we consider “bad.”  You don’t need me to list them.  You know what they are.  I’m sure you could rattle off your bad habits in no time flat.  We’re all good at that. 

This type of thinking isn’t helpful at all.  All this does is encourage us to feel bad about ourselves.  It’s not serving you in any way. Let’s flip that thinking around and start to talk about good habits.  I bet if I asked you what they are you’d have a more difficult time listing them off for me.  I know you have some, though.  Brushing your teeth before bed?  Having enough (okay, some) fruits and veggies every day?  Hugging your kids once in a while? 

Now think about good habits you’d like to establish.  Adding flossing to the nightly tooth brushing routine?  Drinking more water?  Having a regular date with your partner?

 If some part of your life isn’t working, make a decision to add one good habit (rather than trying to break a bad habit).  Focus on what could be improved. 

þ     Get really clear on your motivation for building this habit.  Are you establishing a regular date with your partner because you want to improve your relationship or because you want to try new restaurants in the city?  Are you flossing because you want to improve your overall health or because you want to avoid having your dental hygienist give you the flossing lecture again?  Your reasons are personal but it’s important you know what they are.  When you feel your motivation dropping, you can remind yourself of why you’re doing this in the first place.

þ     Make a plan to establish the habit.  Decide when and how you’ll do it.  Maybe you need to make a standing date with your babysitter as well as your partner.  Maybe you need a checklist taped to the wall to tick off when you do your habit

þ     Be prepared to re-work your plan.  Be flexible about it.  We can’t anticipate every situation that could come up.  Your plan may fail.  That doesn’t mean you have failed.  Be prepared to adjust.

þ     Practice, practice, practice!  We get so skilled at our bad habits because they’re easy and we practice them a lot.  I practice not flossing nearly every day.  Good habits take practice too.  It is said that if you can perform a good habit consistently for 3 weeks then that habit is…well, it’s a habit.  It becomes routine.  You won’t have to try so hard anymore.

þ     Reward yourself.  It’s a tough job to establish a new habit.  Make sure you celebrate your success! 

Well, I’m off to floss.  I hate that lecture. 

Until the next chapter,Lisa

Creating a Great First Impression

June 13, 2007 

It is said that we have fewer than ten seconds to make a good first impression. We’ve all had a run-in at a gathering with that person who talks non-stop about himself while his eyes are darting over your shoulder looking for someone better to talk to.  Of course, we’re insulted that this person is keeping a roving eye out for a conversational partner superior to ourselves and we eventually reach the point where we’re ready to chew our own leg off rather than remain trapped with this bore.

Perhaps you’ve been this person?  I’m sure I have a time or two (I know a few people reading this right now are nodding your heads. Stop that!). By this point in our lives most of us have heard the tried and true tips to creating a good first impression: 

1. Dress appropriately for the occasion and make sure your clothes are clean and pressed
2. Offer a strong handshake – no “dead fish”
3. Brush your teeth – don’t force me to play CSI Miami as I try to identify what’s between your teeth
4. Maintain good eye contact without staring in a creepy way

 Ann Demarais and Valerie White offer additional tips in their book First Impressions: What you don’t know about how others see you. They write that there are four ways to focus when meeting someone for the first time:

 1.   How you feel about yourself

 2.   How you feel about the other person

 3.   How the other person feels about you

 4.   How the other person feels about himself or herself

 Most of us tend to focus on 1, 2 and 3.  We think about the fact that we’re tired or we wonder whether our deodorant has failed.  We hope the other person likes us and we try to figure out whether we like them. When engaging in any type of social interaction, we should always focus on how the other person feels about him or herself.  Our goal is to make that person feel better about him or herself after our conversation.

 Demarais and White write that we help people feel better about themselves by offering four universal social gifts:

 1.   Appreciation – everyone likes to feel appreciated. Let someone know that you appreciate their positive qualities

 2.   Connection – this is about finding out where you intersect with someone.  Do you have a mutual friend?  Common interests?  Similar experiences?  Common attitudes?  People like to feel connected because they feel understood and they feel a sense of belonging

 3.   Elevation – Everyone likes to be in good spirits and they are drawn to those that make them feel that way.  Smile, be playful, direct your attention to the positive elements in a situation

 4.   Enlightenment – We all like to learn something new: facts, ideas and perspectives. Notice things as you go through your day.  Did you just see a movie or read an interesting article?

 The key to these social gifts is balance.  Focusing on only one of these is off-putting to people.  Think of the person who is always “enlightening.”  You’d probably soon begin to perceive that person as a know-it-all. When we give these social gifts, we also receive them.  People like people who make them feel good about themselves.  People will be drawn to you and will give these same social gifts in return.

 Lastly, the Aboriginal people have a saying that the Creator gave you two ears and one mouth.  You should be listening twice as much as you speak. Everyone loves to be listened to and that’s probably the best social gift of all.

 Until the next chapter,Lisa 

The GEMO Principle

May 23, 2007 

I have to admit that I had a tough time deciding on a topic for today’s newsletter.  There are so many interesting subjects that I could write about but none of them were really “grabbing” me for some reason. As I spent more and more time trying to decide on a topic, I realized that I had succumbed to a principle in project management that my husband had told me about last week.  I had thought it would be a great topic for a newsletter and promptly wrote it on my ideas list and forgot about it.  So, after experiencing it myself, I decided it is today’s topic.

The GEMO Principle.  Good Enough, Move On.  

How many times in our lives do we set out to do a task only to spend way too much time on it because we’re trying to achieve perfection?  I had to write a research paper last month and found I had a hard time declaring it complete because there was always more I could do.  Points to be added, clarifications to be made, sentences to clean up.  I finally submitted it because it had come to the point where I had read it so many times it no longer made sense! 

The GEMO Principle states that we spend approximately 50% of our time to complete 98% of the work on a project.  We use the remaining 50% of our time on a task working on that last 2%.  This is where we’re trying to complete the task in a manner that is “just so.” We’re trying to get everything as perfect as possible.  This is the GEMO point.  It’s good enough, move on. The next time you’re stressing out over completing a task ask yourself whether you may have reached the GEMO point.  You may save yourself a lot of time and anxiety.

 Oh, and one other thing….on second thought, forget it.  GEMO. 

Until the next chapter,Lisa

The Impact of a Smile

May 14, 2007 

Smiling.  Such a simple thing and yet it has so much power. 

Many people think that happy feelings cause smiling when, in fact, the opposite is true.  Researchers asked study participants to hold a pencil in their mouths in one of two ways: 

1. hold the pencil by the end and have it stick straight out of the mouth, or
2. hold the pencil between the teeth lengthwise.

 

The second position mimics the look of a smile.  After holding the position for a period of time, participants were asked to rate their feelings.  Researchers found that those participants who held the pencils so as to mimic a smile rated their feelings as more positive than the control group (yes, yes, they took a baseline reading and met all requirements for a good study.  Please don’t write me about the basics of elegant study design  J ). 

The point is that, even when we don’t feel happy, pasting a smile on our face triggers our brains to believe we’re happy.  Eventually that fake smile becomes a real one. 

How do you spot a real smile?  Look at the smiler’s eyes.  A genuine smile makes our eyes crinkle.Dale Carnegie, in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, best summed up the lasting impacts of a smile: “It costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.“None are so rich or mighty that they can get along without it, and none are so poor but are richer for its benefits. It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature’s best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.“Some people are too tired to give you a smile, may we ask that you leave them one of yours? For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!”Is there anyone in your life that you could give a smile to today?  Who knows, you might get one back!Until the next chapter,Lisa

News Fast

May 3, 2007 

In light of the tragic events that occurred only two weeks ago in
Virginia, I started thinking about how the news affects us. 

Two days after the shooting, I had just completed an exam for a course and I was feeling extremely excited about how well it had gone.  After a giggly, adrenaline-filled phone call with a friend, I sat down to read the paper which was inevitably filled with news about the massacre.  When I was finished only a short time later, I noticed that the pleasant, excited feeling was gone and replaced by something more melancholy. 

“How can this be?” I thought.  “I’ve had an incredible morning.”  The fact is that news does affect our stress levels.  News tends to focus on the bad, especially crime.  Studies have shown that seeing images of or reading about violence or death provokes changes in mood and can intensify anxiety, sadness or depression.  These feelings can lead to a negative view of life which has negative effects on physical health. 

Dr. Andrew Weil (www.drweil.com) recommends that in order to increase mental calmness we all take a “news fast” periodically.  This means not watching the news or reading the newspaper for a few days or even a week. 

Personally, I do like to stay informed as to what’s going on locally but I do tend to skip over the national news and any headlines that are disturbing. 

I encourage you to reflect on your own news habits.  Are you one of those people with CNN constantly going in the background?  What could this background noise be doing to your stress levels? 

As you reflect on your news habits are there any that you’d like to change?  Which of these habits isn’t helping you?   

I encourage you to try a news fast, or at least a news reduction, for a day or two and see how you feel.  After all, it certainly can’t hurt and may even make you feel better! 

Until the next chapter,Lisa

National TV Turnoff Week 2007

April 23, 2007 

April 23 to 29 marks National TV Turnoff Week 2007. Did you know that the average American family in 2006 watched four hours and 35 minutes of television a day (Source: Nielson)?  That means plopping yourself in front of the TV every evening at 7 pm and watching until 11:35 pm.   

Now, I’m not here to give you all kinds of facts and figures trying to prove to you that TV rots your brains and is at least partially responsible for the violence in society, the obesity epidemic and on and on and on. 

Personally, I enjoy some TV here and there.  When my daughter was three months old she finally showed an interest in Baby Einstein videos.  Every morning after breakfast, we would “read the paper” together – she with her Baby Einstein video and me with my newspaper and coffee.  I’m not too proud to admit that that I needed that time.  In fact, there were many mornings when I lamented the fact that those videos were only a measly 24 minutes long. 

So, while turning off the TV for a week is a great idea in theory, the reality is that TV can provide a nice (and needed) break as long as it is used in moderation.  As a coach, my goal is to encourage you to be more mindful of what you’re doing.  Do you plop yourself down in front of the TV every evening simply because it’s a habit and you do it without thinking?  What other activities could you be doing if you weren’t watching TV? 

In an amazing coincidence, National TV Turnoff Week coincides with
Manitoba’s Reading Week!  What kind of alignment of the planets has to occur for that to happen?!? 

So, in honour of National TV Turnoff Week and Manitoba Reading Week I challenge you to turn off the TV for a few extra hours this week and notice how you feel.  Take a walk, read a book or play a board game with your kids. 

Try something new. 

Until the next chapter,Lisa